After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
