today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
