There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
