how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
