Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
