We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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