12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
