you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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