my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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