Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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