We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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