I puked a lego.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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