There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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