Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
