i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
