remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is wine microwaveable?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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