I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
