he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
