Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
