New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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