i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
