the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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