Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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