You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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