standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
