Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
