Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
