i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
