that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
