I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
