grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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