I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
