The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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