there's paper in my vomit.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
