I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
