This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
