okay pat passed out under dana's car
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
