I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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