I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
how drunk are you?
Several
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
