Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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