I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
