We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
