I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
