Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
