OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
