dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
