Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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