evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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