Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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