she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
